Keeping your options open dating
If you saw a woman who was about to drive off a cliff, would you tell her? She’s plowing over orange cones and through the yellow police tape towards a towering precipice. And the faster she accelerates, the more frantic you get, watching her willingly (and confusingly) speed towards the chasm.I’m even gonna bet that if you were witnessing something so damaging, you might even put yourself in harm’s way to protect the innocent drivers.Maybe he only seems to notice you when he’s between relationships. College is the time to date around and figure out what you want in a significant other.While some of us may be ready to move forward with that plan a bit sooner, others would like to play the field a little longer.A recent study published in dubs these interactions “backburner relationships." A backburner, as defined by the study, is “a person to whom one is not presently committed, and with whom one maintains some degree of communication, in order to keep or establish the possibility of future romantic and/or sexual involvement.”The lead study author, Jayson Dibble, an assistant professor of communication at Hope College, told me, “What originally inspired me to think about this is when you meet somebody at a club and trade numbers, you might go through your contacts [later] and say ‘Oh I remember that guy. It was inspired by my old days in grad school.”“When you were meeting everybody at the club?” I asked.“Well, I say research is me-search,” he replied, laughing. A backburner is not just someone who wanders into your thoughts every once in a while—the college sweetheart whose Facebook photos you occasionally browse, or the cute friend-of-a-friend you met on vacation and have always thought you’d really click with, if you lived in the same city.called “Hooked,” revolves around people being kept “on the hook,” romantically speaking, by members of the show’s central gang of friends. right now” is the phrase the pals keep using to string these people along, the “right now” leaving the door cracked open just enough that apparently some poor guy is willing to continue to do Robin’s laundry and rub her feet for the vague possibility of a someday relationship.
It ensured you never do anything with any of the men wholeheartedly, and you get yourself trapped in the circle of indefinitely postponing a decision until you’re certain it’s a perfect choice – a conviction that is never achieved. Bode was like a breath of fresh air after a series of failed relationships.How do you REALLY know if the guy you've been dating is "playing the field"?Most women overlook the tell-tale signs..then become surprised, shocked, or disappointed when they find out he's been keeping his options open the whole time. Maybe you wouldn’t dive in front of the car, but you’d run and wave your hands and scream at the top of your lungs – anything to avert what is sure to be a serious accident.This is what it felt like to be featured on my friend Rori Raye’s blog last week, in a post entitled “The Circular Dating Argument”.
These “what-ifs” only become backburners if you actually reach out to them.